I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
