i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I am mentally ready for anal.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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