More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
