dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
