Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
