All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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