i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
