I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
