So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
