If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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