the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
