i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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