Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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