Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
