And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
