ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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