I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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