Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
