Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My cat gives me a boner
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
wow bdsm is so cute
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
