yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
