she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
