Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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