btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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