Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
