FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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