we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
