So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
