Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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