Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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