:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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