i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
