I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!