I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
