Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
