can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
