definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
