also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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