Umm I'm too high to move.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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