I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
