My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
