omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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