If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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