It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
