ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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