I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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