apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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