come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
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What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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