oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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