Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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