i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
