I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
