he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
