well you can't waste a boner
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
