Your mouth is God's brothel.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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