I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm just crazy horny about you
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize