i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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