a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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