I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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