I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
