I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
It was confusing and full of hummus
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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