70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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