Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
