That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
