the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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