You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
