It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
