do herpes really smell.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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