I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
should my penis look like a turkey
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
