i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
