I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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